Inconsolable

My most ardent 10 wishes [Not in any order]-
1. To go to outer space, and see not only how earth looks from there, but also other stuffs which is in there.
2. To have sex in a completely open space, right under the bright blue sky and over lush green grass.
3. To buy Nike products without looking at their price-tag.
4. Own a black Mercedes-Benz, S350.
5. Impress people solely by my literary acumen.
6. Dine and Date at Le-Meridian; with bills totally on Me.
7. Have an authentic Juve-Jersey. (Of any player)
8. Watch the Finals of Champions-League, live at any stadium in France.
9. See live at Lord’s India winning a test by an innings.
10. Meet Rahul Dravid in person and have a long ideal chatter.

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An Unusual(Awful) Day.

Its probably one of those days when you feel all so lonely despite having everybody around you. You don’t feel like speaking, socializing with people and get irritated too easily. The emotional vulnerability being consummating. Nothing goes right for you, there is nothing like Luck today. And you get to hear irking things now and then.. all around. And you are already troubled with something which you can’t share with absolutely anybody!
This doesn’t happen to me often[Thankfully] but it has become routine kind of thing on every day when my exams get over. As I’ve already mentioned in one of my previous posts.. the day after exams is so hollow.. with absolutely nothing to do( and dramatically, I don’t even feel drowsy then! 😀 ), and then this solitude creeps in.. breeding depression and I feel like turning ascetic[well.. not literally, metaphorically ;-)]. But this is as frothy as it sounds. The concatenated negative expletives become so perpetual that you feel like doing something more vivacious, more cheerful. But you are just not able to concentrate and you indulge into introspection. You count your blessing, feats.. and you see them as regular and insignificant. There comes jealousy into the picture. You compare, then you compare some more and then you gets depressed even more. Finally you turn to computer to for some solace, succor.. only to find that everyone is too busy for you. Hence, in utter frustration comes this..
P.S-I know the blog is getting too egotistical, and this one was just a very lame attempt to make it sound better.. But the posts-yet-to-come would definitely gonna be Different. 😉

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In the Train

 

Sat, 14^thJuly- 9:30AM to 10:30AM

Perhaps sounds like a childish school-children’s essay? But this is what I call ‘blog’ in truest sense of word. What more good than sitting in a Shatabdi compartment observing people and commenting on them without their knowledge, and a constructive use of time as well 😉 .

Well, first of all let me start me with my most coveted objects of desire.. yeah, you are guessing it right.. pretty ladies! Now there are many pretty ladies here in compartment.. and many of them single too(I mean here) but I liked only one of those.. a bit more fair.. thick blackish lips-not at all matching with her complexion- rest of all, as a regular Indian-college going girl(as much I can figure out). From where I am sitting, I can see her reflection of the roof-top window pane. For almost two hours.. her adjacent seat had been vacant and I’ve been thinking of giving her the honour of my company(!!) .. To do Or Not to Do.. has been the eternal irking question for me. Somehow I am not able to gather enough courage to go up to .. I very well imagined that I could smoothly slip into that fortuitously vacant seat and would say a very casual ‘hi’.. and then I’d be dumb! My mind stops working after that. Anyway.. as I was thinking all that-and perhaps I’d have approached her by the end of my journey- like a typical hindi-movie, enter the villain. And now it has been almost 2 hours since they people have been talking, talking and more talking continuously. And am getting all ‘J’ !

Now I hear her voice for the first time, ewww! May be that’s a blessing in disguise that he came(may be the other way round-angoor khatte hai 😦 ) whatever, I cant help myself feeling invidious and defeated. When would I grow up?

The two middle aged man sitting behind me are discussing all politics of UP and their office and their neighbourhood and what not. And they talked on phone at such high decibel levels that I doubt other party would have heard them without any kind of telecommunication device.

The man sitting next to me stinks of I-don’t-know-what! Why the hell people don’t use deos and anti-perspirants if they know how terrible they smell. I hate bad body and mouth odour.

Among other co-passengers, there is one couple canoodling and getting all so very cozy, which makes me even more green as well as helpless. And a really obese lady had been hooked to her ipod all the while while occasionally exchanging glances with me.. which really appalled me. Then here is a single mother with an absolutely troublesome child and even his baby-sitter isn’t able to handle him properly. I hate children of this age group, they are so very unmanageable!

Right now I must be looking like some MNC’s chief executives, sipping mango juice, working on laptop while intermittently gazing out of window to lush green fields, with sun playing hide& seek. Life couldn’t be better! I’ve not spoken a word since last 4 hours and all the frustration is building up, and probably it would find vent at home.

Travelling with bulky and expensive stuffs is such a pain in the ass. Like I’ve to pee in hurry in order to watch-guard my laptop.. or worse enough.. have to be in the loo with it, just imagine! By the way, today for the first time in life I hired services of cooly.. giving away 40 bucks to him doesn’t made me regret that much as much I used to, coz the luggage this time was really loaded.. and I wasn’t feeling internally robust enough to carry it all by myself.

Finally, the lady and the guy is quite, Ahoy!

Hadn’t there been any constraint of battery life of this laptop, I’d been scribbling all throughout this journey giving you/me verbatim account of this entire coach.. but unfortunately it isn’t so. The power-point here are just two-pins.. and I cant think of any use of them save mobile-recharching.. which no one does generally now.. when would railways keep up with modern day? They provide services, but by that time they have already become obsolete.. grow up guys!a

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Empty.. Vacuum

I recently read this article on newspaper regarding the average age when Indians loose their virginity.. it was 22.9 years, and last year in the very same newspaper it was published as 19.8 years.. to be precise. Now which one to believe? I am not complaining about the factual foibles of the news coloumns .. rather, my point is.. Who the hell is this Average Indian? Am I not? Or for that matter.. are my peers not? Why do we always add to the average from wrong sides.. in examination marks from the lower end and here from the higher frustrating end! I feel jealous of delhi boys and girls. 😦

***

I’ve been listening to Linkin Park’s new album for quite some time now.. and I must admit, its far below my expectations.. the worse part is that they are not able to come up with something avant-garde this time, like they have been. Their innovation of rock ‘ n rap is quickly loosing its freshness. Moreover, few of the songs sounds the same as before and there is this one song.. (I wont name the song here, better find out yourself which one) which closely resembles the bass-guitar of a U2 track, With or Without You. Having said that, I would still recommend few tracks- Bleed It Out, Valentine’s day, No more sorrows and What I’ve done.

Pretty much the same goes for Enriques’s album. Though it sounds almost the same as before, the songs has got some queer charming aura with them.. especially Ring my Bells, Miss You, Sweet Isabela and Do You Know has already created waves.

I’ve been on lookout for Maroon5’s new album(after ofcourse, listening to She will be loved).. which is still isn’t available on the LAN 😦 .

And yesterday night I downloaded this track Undertow by Pain of Salvation. I had no idea of what genre that band comprises of.. neither I had heard even their name before.. I downloaded the song after reading it on of my senior’s blog -whose musical interests I closely share- and after listening to for almost like 3-4 hours.. I didn’t found anything getting in my head.. so presently I switched over to Yanni.. for some relaxation.

***

Saw Face Off, Gone in Sixty Seconds and The fast and The furious-Tokyo Drift. Nicolas Cage is awesome.. and so is John Travolta !

Orkut, Prince of Persia-Two Thrones, and NFS-Most Wanted.. that’s all I’ve been doing in last 10 days .. nothing constructive.. sheer time-killing! I know am gonna regret this pretty soon.. But I don’t have any other option right now.. and hence the verse…

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Let Me…

Let me Fly.. High

Let me Die.. sans Strife

Let me be.. what I want to be.

Inspiration-Undertow by Pain of Salvation.

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Deviance- Redefined

Are there Gay-Porn available?

Hell No! Am not pervert.. Please, it’s just a query and am too lazy.. as well as too very orthogonally oriented to search it by myself (for those doubting my orientation) . This is a really valid query, more so when I’ve seen all kinds of it- Animals, Children, Machine, Pampered, Senile, Women,.. just to a name a few, so why not Men on Men..or along, whatever eww! Stop visualizing!

The other day, I was thinking about how people turn homosexual.. Am sure they are not born that way, it’s something which they learn here. And then I read this article in newspaper.. which said something like How much sex is too much.. If it is ever so.. blah blah.. I don’t exactly recall what it was all about.. just the essence of it. And my supposedly logical cerebrum immediately concocted the relation between them. Hence, according to me.. people turn homosexual and pervert when they become blasé with natural and normal sex. You are free to agree or disagree with it… but I am tenaciously sticking to my theory… and therefore the general misconception of IITians turning gay is absolutely preposterous. Simply saying, Can a destitute turn anorexic? The answer.. my friend, is too apparent to speculate. We people(read IITians) are absolutely at other extreme… the better position being occupied by our fellow DUites. Yes, am not comparing ourselves with Americans.. they are a league apart, too ahead to even think of comparing. And I seriously don’t know whether that’s actually true.. coz I’ve no facts to prove my point, it’s just the feel I get when I happen to meet one of those people(read DUite). Sometimes I wish I could.. Baby 😦

And the other thing which I wanted to ask is this-Are animals.. apart from homo sapiens .. are perverts?

Don’t know where the hell am I getting those creepy stuff in my mind… cant help either!

Help, anyone… Ladies? 😉

Quip, someone… Gentlemen? 🙂

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Recently…

I have been wanting to write this post for quite some time now, but somehow I wasn’t getting time to do, but there is nothing new in it. On the other day, I opened wordpress and was just about to begin only to be interrupted by someone…and in the long run, that interruption turned out into nothing at all J. Anyway, I have pretty many things to mention… and I would start one by one now. (Ehh..sounds so platitudinous, but cant help .. not in a mood to concentrate on my literary finesse ! )

 

Yesterday was our House Day-for those who don’t know what is it, I am in no mood of elaborating about it further right now…So just stop questioning and listen to me- and I felt so very lonely…Initially I thought I should have called one of my female friend, but later I realized that wouldn’t have helped either. I was lonely not by choice but by force… This solitude was forced upon me. I was feeling just like any other guest in my own hostel. I wasn’t involved in organizing of it, something which I really enjoy doing I love taking responsibilities coz I think they make my daily life much more disciplined, and the feeling of completion is something ambrosial. Last year, I did a considerable amount of work in the house; I can take the liberties of saying that I too was one of the organizers of it. But this year, things were radically different … may be coz I had my Open House also during the day time, but that isn’t a genuine reason of my aloofness.

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The Open House was quite satisfactory, I knew I was the best speaker among all my team member-but I am sure they won’t agree with me, whatever… The hell I care- and did things as I planned. But I had expected the school girls to be little more flirtatious, which they weren’t, except one 😉 , but then, that girl wasn’t worth doing flirt L Good from far but far from Good ! Our product was highly acclaimed and we got some real good offers for its marketability. One of the guys was highly interested in it and he did tell us to get it patented professionally, he even exchanged cell no. and mail-id with me. That guy was particularly impressed by me … coz I quipped in genuinely in between when one of my other team member was trying to explain it to him … and thereafter I gained momentum, consequentially … he only shook hands with me and later on took 3-4 rounds, each time conversing only with me and in the end said good bye with trademark “C U”, it really felt great!

I also met one of my female friends incidentally, to whom apparently I haven’t called there. She came there to see a car made by one of his other IITian friend. Now I know it shouldn’t bother me at all, she is free to do whatever she wants to, and I have no rights to stop her… despite knowing all this, I felt bad. I felt more of jealous of that guy, and I felt possessive about her. Usually am not like that, but this time I did. The worst part was that once I called her and she refused saying she has to submit some assignment the day after, but nowadays she is having her final exams … and still she can afford to spend almost 3 hours with him,disgusting !

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Smouldering Invincibility

Victory..Defeat are not merely words at times . They mean the world to few when one has to face them actually. Then the zillion qoutes on win and loss suddenly start mocking you..you feel connected to each and every doleful song, your thoughts are just channeled just into one dimension. And strangely enough..some of the songs are so very well written, that they fit perfectly into any kind of gloomy incident .

Anyway..the loss which I am talking about here is defeat of our so called “party” in the internal elections of of our hostel.I wont call it house anymore..and thats the most dire consequence of this defeat.

I can’t feel the way I did before,

Don’t turn your back on me ,

I wont be ignored.

Time wont heal this damage anymore !

These lines from a famous Linkin Park song are the most pertinent on myriad debacles..like when someone ditches you, or you are facing a terrible defeat , or simply when you are feeling low ! As for me..am a bit of all of them these days.

 

 

 

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Ahh..another ‘NEW’ year!

To tell you something, now I am sick of this every year new year celebration.I really don’t find anything interesting or even worth cheering about in it.When something is happening annually..and which is inevitable , then what the hell is the point in making such a fuss about it.Isn’t it a faux pass .. perhaps simply mass hysteria that people has become used to it?But then,I have no right to antagonize it so clamerously,coz i think that i am not the apt person to do so.

Beggining from my childhood..i have never known how to celebrate new year.Initially my idea of celebration was to remain woken up late at night .. watch all those absolutely non-sensical(obviously,i didn’t thought then) naach-gaana programs on TV and most importantly .. to see the clock ticking past 12 .But as the saying goes..you never have that what you want ,and so i never got this chance coz waking up late at night was almost a taboo at my home then .

But now i have the full freedom to wake up as much as i want ..but now i have become too lackadaisical for all this kind of fleeting stuff..you may say that i have grown up but…..

Anyway..my last two 31st Dec have been spent in the train .. and i do not regret it at all !!

And very much similar to this is Birthday Celebration.Mine only birthday when some amount of money was spent was the 5th one ..since then none has been done at even some mentionable scale .Infact since the 9th one .. i haven’t eaten my birthday cake .All this when my birthday lies very much in between the academic session …millions of lightyears away from any kind of exam or test .But I consider it a sheer waste of money and nothing else .Most important thing about your birthday is that how many people remember it and how many actually wished you on that day.Thats all that matters in the end..atleast for me .Vijay Malya greeted his son with a new airline on his 18th birthday..and i didn’t even recieve thin air as the gift…despite the fact that we shared very much similar birthdays and year too,But i am not complaining that too..!Simply coz my father isn’t vijay malya.I have learnt to live life on most compromising notes at an very early age…but now i think that adjusting with situations and life is very much like getting into quicksand…once u start compromising,it would test your patience to the most extreme…till you finally buckle under its crushing tenacity.The more you compromise .. the more it would ask you to do so.

Getting back…i have a very annoying habit of remembering silly numbers.Quintessentially..birthdays of some of my very remote aquaintance ,which ideally i shouldn’t,not to mention each of my friends,hoping that they would reciprocate it by remembering mine . But the world is not as good as i think..just one of my friend called me on my birthday(strictly speaking,she is just an aquaintance) and another one wished me very casually on g-talk…thats it!And to put the icing on the cake..just one of the relatives called..2 others sms’d . Therefore to sum it up..5 people remembered my birthday!And right now i can name atleast 100 people with their birthdays…and they say that i am full of attitude and superiority complex….well, yes I am !

How the hell does it matter to any one ?

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The Day After Exams

Today the majors got over.And I do accept that this was the least studied major by far,(and i seriously doubt over the amount of effort put in by me in the coming majors)but it has certain more fleeting reasons.Well..I am not going to discuss more about them here , but my point here is that this is the umpteenth exam I have given , counting from my childhood .Though the times have changed , the place , the circumstances .. and most importantly my attitude towards them has changed , but something which is irritatingly is still there is the ennui and vaccum after exam.This may sound very strange , but I always felt so. Would Continue with it tomorrow…abhi feeling sleepy and horny 😉

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And since that day I never got the time to complete it up..abhi in Cyber Cafe , Would continue it sometime later .

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Couldn’t find an apt topic.. :-( !!

This post is something which , in real terms can be termed a blog ..because this was written at that time when I had nothing else to do (seriously).On saturday , I went to this Google Wordmasters Challenge 2006 near the ITO office ..and from there I went to New Delhi railway station.How and why ,perhaps can be answered in the next post..as it is am in extreme paucity for stuffs on which I could blog on.Anyway..my point was that there I had a lot of absolutely free time while waiting for the contest to begin .And as I had a notepad as well as pen ..so I decided to pen down my thoughts!!

But before getting there ..I would like to share something more, which i always feel whenever I happen to visit any place in delhi.I just speculate that I am going to meet a beautiful girl there ,then befriend her and eventually she would fall in love with me (I dont mean to be ridiculous here ..but can’t help either) This is certainly the height of optimism and of course lack of some very atomic element in my life .Not elaborating it further..I just want to get over this wild anticipation.

The following lines are more or less manipulation of what I wrote there ,while waiting and watching a beautiful girl.

PeareyLal Bhawan,10:40 AM-

Well..as I have nothing to do here I truly felt like writing a blog , but didn’t had a computer there so am writing it on paper and would copy it sometimes later on blog.

There is this girl sitting at a distance from me, in sky blue salwaar-suite and white dupatta , with the suit embroidered with umm , I think maroon colour or may be red ..its not so obvious from this distance .She is irritatingly fair,with flowing mane only that they were not in good condition, or may be she doesnt care about them .Her face was very cute , refreshing and she is certainly more than beautiful.As i wrote the previous line ..i found her looking at me , with looks which i couldn’t comprehend .Perhaps she would be thinking about me ;).But I wish I get to talk to her ,anyhow.She is too is looking very lonely..like me .Her wrists were lacking any accesory..even a watch and her black sandals were just a bit higher than the conventional high heels.She isn’t involved in any conversation and was just a mute spectator of them ..again like me .

Its 10:50 AM and people are still pouring in omnidirectionly.She is not full bodied either but her breasts were just in decent proportions with her body,this may be the attribution of her skin hugging suit as well.Her reminds of some small screen actress or may be some one else I have seen but couldn’t make it out .I dearly want a cameraphone now ..to capture such rare moments .

Finished at 10:58 AM.

There was some part which was edited as well as censored by me .

And by the way .. A very happy Dussehra & Gandhi Jayanti to you all!!!

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AML 140…Can You Crack It ???

To begin with ..before this article , i had saved two unfinished article and never bothered to complete them since then.Today I am having a quiz of AM140 from 5 ..and therefore this is the most pertinent time to exude all your exasperation and rage and ..leave it I dont have enough of words to desribe my feelings about it .

For the non IITians .. it is one of the core courses of mechanical engineering AM stands for Applied Mechanics while last 3 digits are unique code of the course .

I have been in IIT only for a year till yet and by my experience (whatever little I have had till now ) I could tell one thing ..which would be better expounded in terms of IITDlingo ..that none of the courses is fighter here ..it is only the prof who makes it so or in other words … as one my friend said for CSL101/102 …that every course is a dick and condom is prof , course gonna screw u anyways but it all depends on prof ..how comfortably or agonizingly he is gonna do that .Anyways jokes apart … i seriously feel what is in the mind of Mr. P.C Dumir ..the course coordinator of this course ..notorious for his idiosyncracies .If you would see the book you can easily make it out why i am saying this .It is as greek to me as it would be to anyone of you out there .And I even dare say this ..it would be greek to most of them who have already passed this course and perhaps with decent grades as well .I have finished almost 13 pages of it till now (out of some 60 odd pages which are goin to come in todays quiz ) and hardly i could understand some of the things -and that too with hawk like concentration – and worse thing is you cant even rote them because they are so bulky ..you have no other option but to comprehend them . All the AM courses are fighter for me ..I would like to mention here AML110 as well here ..the course was no so fighter ..could have done better than a ‘D’ but due to commencing performance , I am proud and satiated enough after clearing the course in one go .

I get thouhgts like what if dumir dies ..that would be best solution to our problems , but that is not scroplous enough .I think we should go and talk to some higher authorities … otherwise I dont see any means by which i could even get close to that 30 marks deadline to clear the course .In today’s quiz as well … even thought I am trying (though not my best)i dont think that I would be non-zero marks , I dont know anything to make me confident enough .Even I dont know what rubbish I am scribbling here ..if this is condition in quiz .. dont know what is going to happen in minors and majors .Writing blog is not going to get me marks .. it just make me feel better .Enough I am gonna stop here …!!!

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Not The Only One …??

Those who have visited my blog (at this moment ..none:(), must have been wondering what sort of blog page is this .Well..i have my own reasons for it and this one is for clarifying all of the dubious and sceptical notions regarding it .

To start with…when i registered for blogging , i had thought of The Only One as my blog page but as u must be knowing ..i am not so creative and hence some body even more creative than me had already registered it .:(!!So nothing else came to my mind then…and hence this . But there are genuine reasons for it too.When i thought of the earlier name , i was a bit elated apprecited myself too at my so called ..authenticity and creativity …but as soon as the server told me that i am not the only one with this kind of idea ..i realized that i am not the only one , literally as well.There are so many like me ..and many more better than me in many aspects of life .And then there are many more who are just like me ..so it was a fallacy on my part to think that way , i am admit !!
There are so many who dont have girlfriends ..so many who are in iit ..so many who are as privileged as me (i must mention here that i dont now why , but i consider myself very privileged ..i even dont know what sense ..it is some smouldering thought in my mind right from my childhood and that is reason i always remain thankful to god..a bit more ethical naa ..but that’s the way i am ..:)).
And finally ..i am not the only one who has started blogging right now .I have got this superiority complex ..but now i think i am changing even thought very gradually .There is absolutely no reason for it (considering my CGPA..:D) and yet i think that i am the only one !!It sounds so ridicoulous and people think..(in iit lingo)-“arbit stud banta hai”..i know at times it is true ..but mind you , not always !!Have nothing more to blubber here right now ..so ending it .Majors are from 4th and i am still not worried ..god knows mera kya hoga :O!!!

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